Ok, so I did a truck load of research and reading up on the net about Serotonin deficiency, Effexor/Venlor (Venlafaxine).  I also browsed the book stores and bought a few books by Patrick Holford.  How to Quit without feeling S**t , which I read and tried making sure I was taking the right supplements and vitamins to help my cause, and Food is Better Medicine than Drugs, which I left for a later stage (and I will talk about this book in more detail soon).  I also looked in depth into the withdrawals/side effects when discontinuing SSRI’s.  The information I found out angered me.  How could doctors be prescribing such dangerous medication without flinching?  Were they intending to ruin lives?  I felt like standing on a rooftop and shouting for the world to hear me.  I wanted other people to know what I knew and I wanted to stop everyone from being drawn into the brainwashed state of believing that these drugs were the only way out.  I got very emotional talking about it.  I must admit, this is something that I still have issues with.  I would learn more about this industry at a later stage.

The next few months were challenging.  Although I did not experience the withdrawals nearly as frequently as before, when I did, it was not pretty.  Something I did not mention in previous chapters is that I prayed a lot.  I prayed for God to give me the strength to get through the dark days and for Him to help me function as a normal human being again.  When it was really bad, I prayed for him to take my life.  There were days that I was angry at God, even though I knew this was not Him.  

You need to understand that the during the dark times you cannot rationalise anything.  Your brain does not function at all and it is overwhelming and sometimes everything is too much to handle.  Having said that though, I am the type of person who wants to carry on with life as usual through times like this.  I did not want to feed it anymore energy than it was already taking from me.  I did not want these set-backs to take over my life so I wanted to go to work everyday, do as much as I could to feel human and still contribute to society.  That was important for me.  

I needed something else during those times of absolute desperation. I can’t remember how it happened, but I went to see a homeopath, Dr. Shane Sarawan, who also does acupuncture.  (Someone must have suggested it to me).   He confirmed to me again that I had very low levels of serotonin.  So he stuck the acupuncture needles in where they needed to go and serotonin was instantly released into my brain.  Within seconds I felt better.  The effects of this only lasted 3 days at a time but it was good enough to get me through the really difficult times of the withdrawals.  I saw him when I needed to and I cannot begin to explain the results that the acupuncture gave me.  

I had been doing yoga on and off for 6 years and discovered that really helped ease the withdrawals so I started attending classes 3 times a week every week.  I was doing both Hatha and Ashtanga yoga and I loved it.   It calmed me completely and made me feel still and at peace.

I also went on a mission to find the right supplementation to use to increase my intake of nutrients and vitamins because I felt I wasn’t getting enough energy from my food.  Now how many of you have walked into Dischem and looked at the sports supplement aisle and wanted to walk away because it is too overwhelming?  Then you get a muscle monkey sales person pumped full of testosterone trying to give you advice.  The only advice he is going to give you is how to look like him.   It was not for me thanks.  

I looked online and then remembered that when I was in hospital recovering from the shooting, I did eat anything for a week as I had no appetite.  My mother had bought me Herbalife Shake so that I could at least get something in my system.  I went online and looked for a Distributor to assist me with the products.  I ended up signing up as a Distributor myself.  I started the products and replaced breakfast and lunch with a shake and I took some of the other products too. I felt fantastic and I even managed to go from a size 10 to a size 8 in the space of a month.  I was training hard at the gym and I felt good strong and healthy.  

To this day I still have my Herbalife Shake (I buy the one that is free from gluten, dairy and soy) once a day at breakfast time.  I add it to my morning smoothie.  The energy I have from the products is nothing short of amazing.  I even add the shake powder to my son’s breakfast and he loves the smoothies I make him.  

My job was pretty hectic and demanding at times.  In August 2009 my colleague left the company and it was just me and my boss.  It was a very stressful time and a few months later we moved offices.  My back and neck were in total agony and I would cry everyday driving to and from work (as well as at work) because the pain.  I saw my acupuncturist plenty during this time.  That December we drove to PE for Christmas.  The drive there was very uncomfortable and I was chatting to my sister in the car.  She suggested I go see a friend of hers in PE who deals a lot with spinal health.  I called her while we were travelling and we made a time for me to see her the following day.  She gave me postural and core exercises to do in order to strengthen the back and spine and I literally felt relief within the hour I was with her.  I carried on doing my exercises every day and my back improved 10-fold.

In Chapter 3 I mentioned a girl by the name of Lauren who I met at the-company-no-one-speaks-about.   Her and I had been in contact for a few years and were emailing each other a lot during this specific time.  She was on the very same medication that I was on, except she was taking a much higher dosage than I was.  She also mentioned to me that she was on another type of medication but I cannot remember what it was and what it was for.  She was seeing a psychiatrist.  I refused to go that route because as far as I am concerned, psychiatrists are there to put you onto medication.  So if you want to stop taking something, they will put you onto something else.  That is their purpose.  (Note: I am aware that I am generalising here and these are just my opinions based on my experience with this industry).

Anyway, Lauren was also attempting to come off her medication.   We would share our experiences with each other and we would to support and help each other through our bad days.  One day she told me that her psychiatrist advised her to just stop the Effexor.  I was concerned.  Not that long after that Riaan and I went out one night and I bumped into her.  We chatted a bit and then parted ways.  The next day I learned that Lauren didn’t make it that night.  She committed suicide early hours of the morning.  I was numb.  She was one of the most genuine and wonderful people I have ever met and she was gone, just like that.  I was meant to go to her memorial service, but my withdrawals were so bad that day I was unable to drive. 

I observed that when I was having negative thought patterns or when I was in a bad space mentally or emotionally, the withdrawals were SO much worse.

Time passed and I found a way to cope.  

The collection of the modalities (prayer, yoga, breathing exercises, kinesiology, homeopathic & herbal remedies, Herbalife supplements, acupuncture and exercising) that I was implementing helped the transition phase and I managed to get from the 75mg dose down to the 37.5 mg dose.  It took a very long time but it felt like I had won a small war….wait….make that a massive, gigantic, freaking mammoth war!!!!

When I was completely weaned onto the 37.5 mg dose and I had no more withdrawals, I went back to my gynae.  She told me that she was happy for me to have a baby on the dosage I was then on.  She showed me the risk stats and I was comfortable with them.  She also told me that when you are pregnant, your blood supply increases dramatically so the traces of the drugs in my blood would be minimal and not large enough to have a negative effect on the foetus.  I did have a small fear though that if this was the case, I may experience the withdrawals again, but I chose not to think about that again.  

Today, there is enough proof that babies can suffer side-effects and birth defects due to being exposed to Effexor in the womb.  In the US, you can actually sue pharmaceutical companies if your baby is born with a defect after being exposed to the drug.  You can read about it here.  I know what some of you may be thinking….the Americans sue companies for anything and everything these days.  However, as far as I am concerned, this is not just anything!

So in summary…

The Good:  I was now on a dosage acceptable to have a baby.  Eventually!!!!!!  And, I was still ALIVE!

The Bad: It was a long, hard road to get to where I was, but I was so glad I stuck it out.  (A lot of what I went through can never be put into words)

The Ugly: A special friend had to take her own life because of these despicable drugs there are plenty more people who have gone the same way for the same reason.  This was an ugly truth that not many people knew about.  


To be continued…