It was after doing the Mind Power course again and implementing meditation and stillness into my life to make positive change, that I realised I needed to make even bigger changes. There was a MASSIVE shift coming and I knew it. I started questioning whether I was truly happy in every aspect of my life. Was I being true to myself? Was I living to my full potential? I felt like I needed to spread my wings and take off.
I realised I was living my life to make everyone else happy and it was time to make ME happy.
I was then given the book by a very special person called: The Life You Were Born to Live. It started answering questions I was asking. Things started falling into place. My head was starting to catch up to my heart and soul.
I realised that I had not been happy in my marriage for a very long time. We had grown so far apart that we weren’t connecting much on any level anymore. I had known this for a long time but I wasn’t consciously aware of it.
I knew what I had to do, but the self-doubt kept eating away at me.
I had come to the following conclusions after reading the book:
1. I was not being emotionally honest with myself, my husband or anyone else
2. I was not living my truth3. I was not expressing myself
4. I was not living with integrity by denying myself and others these things
5. I was living with a major amount of self-doubt
6. I needed to live as an inspiring example to others
Once I read the book and made massive, ginormous break-throughs and shifts, I knew exactly what I needed to do and was at peace with what that was. It was not easy though. I had formed a close emotional bond with the person who gave me the book and I could not ignore or deny that either. I could not live a lie.
It meant that I had to leave the life I had known for 13 years behind me and start over. It meant I had to break someone’s heart. It meant that people might not like me, but I had to live for ME and not them. My whole life was about to change completely, but I felt I was ready for it.
So, I did the unthinkable and told my husband I want a divorce. I never ever pictured myself and a divorcee ever in my life.
I formed a very strong connection with a very special person (the same one who gave me the book I mentioned earlier) during the past 6 months. He taught me so much about myself and opened up old wounds that need healing. He brought a lot of lessons and blessings into my life and for that I am eternally grateful. We have decided to part ways recently as we both need different things at this point in our lives. I feel I need time to focus on loving and accepting myself, being with my son and launching my business. I still care for him and love him deeply and know that everything will work out as it is meant to. I am opening myself up to self-love, healing and abundance.
*Since writing this post, we have spoken openly and honestly and have decided that we want to be in each other’s lives. We are committed to putting a plan in place to make things work for both of us. We believe that we will be able to help each other to heal and grow from past experiences. We have already been through so much together and want to continue forward as a couple.
Now I think some of you may be wondering “What is happening with the anti-anxiety meds”. Well, shortly after I made the decision to move on and start over, I found I could start extending the gap more and more…by a week at a time. Eventually I had taken one after a month of the previous one and that was when I realised that I no longer need them. I took my last Venlor XR 37.5mg tablet on 1 December 2013 and I have not had to take one since. I am eventually free from chemical medication and I am ecstatic that I have gotten to this point after so many years.
It has been a long, challenging road, but I am so glad I persevered for so many years. This journey has not been an easy one, but each and every moment has sculpted me as a person and has gotten where I am today. I do not have any regrets or doubts anymore, as I know that I am always exactly where I am meant to be and everything that happens is part of the process and serves its purpose in my life.
I am continuing to grow on a daily basis. I am being taught so many valuable lessons and old behaviour patterns are being brought to my awareness. There is a lot of deep, hidden and suppressed emotions from my childhood that I now need to address and let go of. As much as I have healed already, I think the major healing is only just beginning. I will continue to make the changes necessary to become a stronger and more holistic, fulfilled person who is able to contribute to the happiness, health and success of others.