To those of you who have reached (or have almost reached) Level 40 in life; where are you compared to where you thought you would be?
Does that freak you out a little?
Never in a million years did I think I would be a divorced, solo mother again trying to get her business off the ground in new territory.
The truth is that I have lost everything, more than once, and started over a few more times than that over the past 4 years. I have been at the bottom of the barrel and at point of hopelessness many times. I have moved house 3 times a year for 3 years have been in building mode for a very long time. Goal posts have been moved more times than I can count and I have sometimes wondered WTF is actually going on. But I am still alive and still standing.
Some would call it a mid-life crisis, the only thing though, is that I am ok with the fact that I haven’t reached my 10-year goal that I had in my head when I left school. That goal is the one that is acceptable by society’s standards. And how different things have turned out.
You see we have a picture in our heads of how it should be and, well, life happens, and turns that picture upside down, inside out and slaps you in the face a few times. I am not saying it is not good to have a vision. A vision is important, but the plan to get there cannot often be controlled by us or by dates we have set for ourselves.
Most people determine success by what career or job you have, what car you drive (& how clean it is), what brand your sneakers are, if you are married, how long you have been married, what school your children go to, what marks they got for their exams, how ‘well behaved’ they are and how they compare to their own kids. I mean how many people use their kids as a…… of how well they are doing in life.
In the beginning of my career, I was always in sales and marketing and although I loved building relationships and dealing with people, I never felt like I was contributing significantly enough to society. It always felt as if something was missing and that I had more purpose than what I was doing.
It was in 2008 that I accepted a position for a motivational speaker and Mind Power expert that was the turning point in my life. Battling anxiety and depression and being medicated for almost 20 years, I was also fed up with settling for mediocre and being a slave to a pill. I slowly but surely learnt to stop being a victim and take control of my life. It was a long, hard and messy road to healing but it was that very road that led me to the reason I was put on this earth. I my mess has turned into my message. A message that can maybe make a difference in the lives of other people who have lost hope or want to give up.
At age 33, I realized my purpose in life. Something that I am extremely grateful for, because many people never do. Let it just be said though that once you find out what it is, it does not mean plain sailing after that. You second guess it (often) and want to pack it all in somedays and wonder what the point of it all is when things get tough. I have semi-abandoned and revisited my purpose many times over the past 7 years.
The spiritual growth and transformation required to level-up in order to step into your purpose is like an unforgiving fall into the deep, dark unknown. You question everything, more than a few times. At times you want the world to stop so that you can get off, but it is the “why” that is buried deep in the core of your soul that forces you to get up and carry on going. The realization that you can impact millions of lives, just by healing yourself and raising your level consciousness. (I had to and still have to keep reminding myself of these things, otherwise it could just as easily go the other way.)
Having a child has also forced me to level way more in life. Children are here to teach us so much, trigger so many of our issues that need to come to the surface and test us over and over to see if we have grown. Children definitely fast-track our spiritual development and evolution (if we allow them to and if we allow ourselves to be aware of it).
The other day my 8-year-old son asked me why is it that some people battle and others have everything they need and want. I responded by telling him it is because we all have different lessons and journeys in this lifetime. A few days later, I actually wanted to know the same thing myself and now I am sitting here realizing again that the people who have taken on the most challenges, lessons and freaking hard times are the ones who have committed to a life of spiritual evolution and growth that will transform things way beyond human imagination.
In hindsight, I realise that starting over is not starting from the very beginning, it is starting again as a more evolved person with more life experience. An opportunity to build something new with less limitations of your past self.
The number of things that I have been through and survived in this lifetime can be penned into a few books I reckon. And sometimes as much as things have felt like they are over, there is a very stubborn part of my soul that refuses to allow me to be bitter about it (even though I sometimes am (honestly) p%$*&d off with the way life works. I forget that I am not in charge and there is a life force much greater that knows exactly what it is doing and why. And then I learn to surrender (again) although I am not sure if I have fully surrendered or not. I mean, how do you actually know?
I sit here reflecting on the past 40 years and have realized I have done the most evolving, growing, learning and levelling up in the past 10 years as I began to awaken. I have always questioned things, but it is only 10 years ago that I started becoming aware of myself on a much deeper level.
If I look back at everything that happened, I would not want to rewind anything or go back into the past. I have realized that there was a past, but there is no past, and the only time I need to look back is to see how far I have come. Everything that has happened has shaped me, stripped me and ultimately transformed me.
40 things I have learnt by almost 40…
- We are not in control of what happens, we can only control what we do and how we think.
- Children teach us more than we teach them.
- Karma is real, conduct your life in such a way that you are happy to get back what you give out.
- There is always another phase. NOTHING is permanent.
- I am more resilient than I think I am (and so are you!)
- Enjoy the little things, because they are the big things.
- Learn to be more present and appreciate the moments you have with people.
- If you boast about something, life will eventually humble you the hard way.
- It is ok to take a few steps back sometimes. We all need to re-set and re-evaluate.
- Whatever is meant for me will not miss me.
- I think too much…most of the time.
- Surrendering and letting go is harder than I thought it was.
- Love is a way of being, not an emotion.
- Time is an illusion. There really is no rush (I battle with this one because I always want to get things done).
- I don’t have it all figured out, and that is perfectly ok!
- The body regenerates and heals itself…but only if I allow it to.
- People will always have an opinion and judge according to their own beliefs. That is none of my business and is not my problem.
- I can bend until I think I will break, but I will not break.
- I am a better mother than I believe myself to be.
- Integrity, authenticity and being real goes way further than image and accomplishments.
- I can face my biggest fear and overcome it, every time.
- I underestimate myself and my capabilities, most of the time.
- We really don’t need a lot to be happy.
- We become what we identify the most with.
- Music, sleep and coffee make the world go around.
- Grounding is important. And I don’t do it enough. Do you?
- I am happy with who I am and that I am the age that I am. My age does not determine how much more I can be.
- You really do attract your soul tribe when you do the work.
- No-one will love you like your mother does. Ever.
- It is ok if some days all you do is breathe.
- You are much stronger and more resilient than you think you are.
- You are here for a reason much bigger than you, never stop seeking your purpose, and when you find it, have the courage to pursue it.
- We can have anything we want to in life. We are powerful creators. All we need to do is get out of our own way.
- Parenthood is a delicate balance between wanting our kids to do and try as much as possible, but yelling “no, don’t do that” a lot.
- Thoughts and feelings are not real, we are merely conduits of energy moving through us.
- Laugh more.
- Something is only bad for you if you believe it is. (sips coffee)
- Everything in your life is based on your belief system. And you have the power to change it.
- Everyone is doing the best they can with what they know. Once they know more, they can do more. Do not expect yourself from people.
- Don’t judge yourself on where you are in life compared to your expectations. You are where you are meant to be. Always.
I now determine success not by what I have or what I have become, but who I have become and everything that I have unbecome in order to be who I was I am meant to be. A divine being of light who helps transform consciousness by transforming her own first.
I sat the other day thinking about what I should do for the “big 4-0” and when I thought about it, I really did not want to plan a big bash.
This year I realised that my birthday is less about me and more about what I am here to do, and that is to impact the lives of others. So I will be celebrating with a bunch of other souls who want to make a difference and feeding as many people as we can (but a minimum of 40).
So when I feel like giving up, or like life is knocking me down, I am going to focus on those lives of the people that I have the honour and opportunity of touching. How egoic of me to think it is all about me and get so caught up in my own ‘issues’.
I was put on this earth to make a difference and change the world because I was blessed with the crazy-ness to believe that I can.